“There were a lot of them making up and down, but you could see that this one is this one, this one is this one…” ~ Julius Mkhwanazi on the Madlanga Commission.
I’m going to make you chuckle, despite the fact that I shouldn’t as a result of that is critical stuff. This week the deputy chief of Ekurhuleni Metro Police Department, one Julius Mkhwanazi, grew to become the second courtroom jester of the day. He rambled a lot he tripped himself up, repeatedly.
He’s had two days on the stand, and nobody could make head of tail of what this tsotsi is on about, however at the very least he was humorous. He had the commissioners and the analysts snorting with laughter as he advised them he was not a “facilitator” within the handing over of the blue mild brigade to identified legal, ‘Cat’ Matlala. He stated he helped however he didn’t facilitate, as a result of facilitators go to jail and he can’t go to jail for one thing he didn’t do.
When the commissioner identified that he did precisely that however that the fee was not the police to ship him to jail – he was the police. Julius M insisted it was not so as a result of these commissions make a discovering and despite the fact that the commissioner himself could not see him to jail, he wouldn’t see this decide once more for 10 or 50 years.
The issues he didn’t do
This man is in command of the police in Ekurhuleni and after two gruelling days on the stand he began to vomit about “things he didn’t do”, and there was an important deal he “didn’t do”. As the interrogation bought heavier, JM lastly admit to receiving greater than R70 000 from Cat Matlala. When pressed he admitted that Cat was his good friend for all times and so they lent one another petrol cash or paid faculty charges, funerals and truly Cat would give him something he wanted. He was an actual good friend.
He additionally added that Cat assured him when he retires he’ll proceed caring for him and open companies for him whereas he’s stress-free at dwelling. These are issues he didn’t do. He felt the warmth, although. At one level I believed he was going to go out, he drank extra water than Hemingway drank whisky. He sweated like a responsible particular person within the dock (oh ja, he’s one). In the tip he admitted, with painful testimony, that Cat Matlala owned the EMPD in its totality in Ekurhuleni, the blue lights, the crimson lights, if there have been purple lights he’d personal them too.
Basically, this oke offered off all the fleet and its occupants as a “branding exercise”. Because nothing says “metro police efficiency” like outsourcing your emergency response to an organization that appears like a reduction medical support. #BrandFail
Our new regular
I’m Tonya Khoury it actually looks like I’ve scratched too laborious and damaged the floor of the rats’ nest in #Ekurhuleni. I learnt one thing unbelievable; you should utilize the phrase “tenderpreneur” as a legit job in your CV, people. Newsrooms are even utilizing it as a strap line for a gangster as if it’s a profession path. I keep in mind after we all thought it was a humorous and intelligent joke. Now it’s our new regular.
The #MadlangaCommission or as I favor to name it the #MudslingingCommission. What if I advised you that Jay Mkhwanazi wasn’t even the funniest or essentially the most terrifying expertise this week. I missed you final week, so meaning I didn’t cowl the testimony of #CatMatlala himself on the #AdhocParliamentaryCommittee, which is completed now, they ran out of money.
Anyway, they pulled this Cat out of th e(woollies) bag from the shackles of chookie. They made him come and inform the reality and nothing however the reality… ridiculous. He wore Fendi, apparently an costly model that I’ve by no means heard of. (He additionally wore Gucci and Burberry: Ed) I put on sandals and wetsuits. Cat advised us that he had given #BhekiTheHat a number of hundred thousand rands and he simply stored coming again for extra.
The black Woolies bag
In Cat’s thoughts, Bheki had fleeced him by coming again for increasingly more a whole lot of hundreds. Cat made a degree of claiming if you happen to have been strolling with a black Woolies bag, it was certain to be free money for Bheki, not a bribe although, these solely are available in Louis Vitton, if you happen to keep in mind the News24 sting.
That was a positively bribe, what occurred to her? I digress, Cat began ignoring Bheki’s calls as a result of The Hat’s greed was unquenchable. A couple of moments later, Cat was locked up for attempting to kill his girlfriend. When requested why Cat bribed Cele, Cat responded that he had not bribed anybody; he had given the cash freely.
When the decide defined that there’s a corruptor and a corruptee and that he was positively the corruptor, he didn’t agree. And that’s when it struck me. None of those gangsters really suppose they’re doing something incorrect. That’s why tenderpreneur is a job title now. Malema opened our hearts of metal for a second by asking Cat how he grew up. He had an albino mom and due to the parable that has circulated the place having intercourse with an albino cures HIV/Aids, his mom was raped steadily and she or he ran away, abandoning her household.
Cat was younger, he grew up on the streets. It jogged my memory of a gap scene of Tsotsi the film, however then I remembered this mofo needed to shoot his girlfriend within the face. With or with out Bheki Cele, a black Woollies bag and a Fendi shirt.
The courtroom jester
I advised you our Jay Mkhwanazi was a courtroom jester, however he wasn’t on his personal there have been really two. Just earlier than he took the stand we watched the testimony of #ImogenMashazi, she was placing on lipstick, sticking her tongue out, pulling faces, laughing, scrolling on her telephone and a lot extra.
Ladies and gents I current to you your former Ekurhuleni metropolis supervisor. She stated the toughness of the Madlanga Commission would give her a stroke however you’d by no means say it watching her within the stand; she thought the entire thing was a really humorous joke. In reality, the fee was so hilarious that when Sello, a effective advocate, stated “next question”, this chick rotated and stated, “How many questions are there still to go”?
Throughout her testimony she lied and bought caught in an internet after which tried guilty subordinates for the truth that individuals have been raped underneath her watch, inside her organisation. She fairly actually blamed the shortage of justice on “admin” after which smiled draped in crimson lipstick. Apparently the lipstick got here from Edgars, I needed to make use of that lipstick to color a cross over her brow and ship her to the gallows.
Dolce and Gabbana a branding train?
I watched a clip the place she is sporting Hermes and Dolce & Gabbana amongst others. One particular person within the feedback added up her outfit and got here in at 700k. Maybe it was a branding train.
Not to be outdone, the Ekurhuleni Municipal Soap Opera unveiled its subsequent plot twist: the suspension of Legal Head Kemi Behari. His alleged crime? Using his authorized prowess to guard the now-legendary suspended police chief, Julius Mkhwanazi. It’s a wonderful show of round accountability: droop everybody concerned, pay them in full, and let a fee untangle the mess.
A flawless system packaged in a #BlackWooliesBag dressed with crimson lipstick. It have to be stated that Woolworths are faster than a blue mild brigade, they’ve modified their black luggage to white luggage which are “transparent”. So quick, so intelligent and actually pointless.
And then the massive man himself suspended/particular go away Minister Senzo Mchunu took to the stand. Sello let him roll on, I believed it was over, he was eloquent and defined in nice element that each one murders matter and there shouldn’t be particular process forces for particular murders. Murder is homicide.
The KKKs
I’m wondering if Kallie Kriel is aware of that as he continues to perpetuate the parable of farmer genocide to Trump. This week Heinz Winky Winkler stood with Kallie and the Kiffness stating that they’re Christians and meaning they’ll hate on black individuals as a lot as they like. I’m wondering what the proportion of black individuals in South African are Christian.
When I see Kallie’s face I develop into virtually homicidal. Put him, Imogen and Jay M on Robben Island and allow us to all go to and chuckle at them. We’ll even purchase souvenirs like #Edgars Red Lipstick, Woollies luggage and Fendi keyrings for our Maseratis. We won’t be shopping for previous apartheid flags although. Jammer, Kallie.
Back to the group that noticed the issue and expertly selected to disregard and profit from it. Senzo Mchunu was giving it stick along with his “all murders are equal” gambit on the #MadlangaCommission after which the decide promptly took his derriere and handed it to him on a platter. Mchunu even smiled a bit of as he took an enormous tumble down from ego valley to penitentiary.
He stated that he had woken up on the 29 December and determined to disband the ‘Political Killings Task Team’. He didn’t disband every other process group, however this one was topic to the #AllMurdersMatter class. It occurred to be similtaneously KT Molefe (Cat Matlala’s chom) was being arrested. That was coincidental, the minister stated.
Mchunu’s Gandalf powers
Asked if he was allowed to disband different process groups he stated ‘no’, however couldn’t reply as to why he had particular powers like Gandalf over #PKTT. So, it seems #NhlanhlaMkhwanazi was completely proper. The place is rotten and shoving them right into a theatre of accountability with none penalties. My South Africa.
We get sucked into the narrative and neglect that we’re nonetheless chasing Zuma’s Arms Deal the place the enchantment was denied once more. How lengthy has this trial being leaping like popcorn by way of the courts? Will we proceed like this till all of us previous and bitter?
We had a profitable #G20Summit and Ramaposer made certain Trump knew we might not be bullied as he tried to just accept the G20 relay stick through courier pigeon. Rama was having none of it and wrote a strongly worded letter. This complete debacle comes again to that Kallie Kriel Kak (learn KKK). Once once more South Africa debunked viral video’s claims about farm assaults.
They have been dismantled, unsupported by information or analysis. Trump’s take: a present for the Afrikaner Solidariteit emerged as he declared South African Afrikaners the one individuals eligible for US refugee standing. This will little question come as an immense aid to these besieged by… checks notes… the dire menace of BEE and heritage braai rules. A daring, if bewildering, overseas coverage masterstroke, which is mooted by the opening of #Walmart on this nation. Quintessential Americanism is doing simply effective right here in South Africa.
Back to the G20 and Thumper
My feel-good story of the week is on any submit issued by Merica about G20, South Africans have flooded feedback with the funniest content material you’ll see all week. Enjoy. We’ve been changed by Poland within the G20 apparently. The G20 thought was ours, we’re a founding member of G20 however nonetheless bought kicked out. It doesn’t matter, nobody goes to offer us more cash, we’ve exhausted all twenty anyway. Jokes on you, Thumper.
I’ve future out of phrases and I haven’t even spoken about #MKParty and the exodus of members this week. Lucky ‘Tall Trains’ Montana was hoofed after which in an entire 180 diploma flip round Duduzile Zuma was fired from MK, not for beginning the #JulyInsurrection, that’s tame. She was trafficking males to struggle in Russia. I don’t perceive this story, is Russia so laborious up for fighters that they’ll take us? Things can’t be going so good with Putin if he wants US?
Regardless, scary Duduzile has been changed by her sister, Brumelda. This can’t be good. And then I didn’t inform you how the decide and prosecutors within the Senzo Meyiwa trial have been threatened with their lives.
I’ve simply sufficient area to inform you that Afrika Mayibuye Movement, Floyd’s new baba, has give you a sheer novelty of an idea. They have introduced a name for a Commission of Inquiry into Black Poverty. A daring transfer, possible involving years of testimony, a multi-billion-rand funds, and a fantastically certain ultimate report that may make a superb doorstop in 2032. A really revolutionary programme of motion, certain to strike worry into the guts of financial disparity.
I’m Tonya Khoury, founding father of Acumen Media, and this week’s news cycle left me spinning. There’s just one factor for it. Sinking beneath the floor adopted by a pleasant dinner with my ma. Take the weekend off, we made it to #Dezemba. Exhale… properly virtually.